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John Jacques: The Site

Movie Reviews

All reviews are in alphabetical order. Reviews may be for any stated console.

---Accepted---

Type: Comedy
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
Accepted wins my Best Comedy of 2006 Award, as it had me laughing at every joke and funny event---and yes, there were tons of those. Easily the most hilarious movie of the year, Accepted is based upon the idea of 'when you don't get accepted into any colleges---you create your own'. And boy: it sure leads to some funny sh*t. See the movie. I'm buying it for DVD when it comes out <3
Score: 10/10

---Bats---
Type: Action/Horror/Suspense
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
Bats is another human vs. nature movie, and it's pretty good. When the bats come on-screen, you'll know it, and you'll enjoy it. Bats is all about a huge bat colony, but something is different. And that's something you'll have to find out, because I'm too cheap to explain it here ;)
Score: 8/10

---Dog Soldiers---
Type: Action/Horror
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
It was just another day, and I was with a friend---when we stumbled upon this movie. What a great day. Dog Soldiers is a bloody action-packed movie with a small group of soldiers in a forest out for a training exercise, when they stumble upon the horrific---you guessed it---Dog Soldiers. Man, I love the combat that happens so frequently in the movie. It always surprises you in a good way. If you're looking for great action, this is the movie for you.
Score: 9.5/10

---Doom---
Type: Action/Horror
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
Watch the Rock as he takes a BFG (Big f***' gun!) and plays the role of a squad leader as he enters what is much more than they expect. The average Doom fan should be pleased, while some of the more hardcore ones are pissed---but in my opinion the movie itself was great. They had action and horror at just the right moments, and the suspense in some moments was pure gold. The 4 minute scene in which the first person view comes on (for the Doom fans) was pulled of nicely. It could have been a bit better; but I enjoyed it just as I had enjoyed the entire movie.
Score: 9/10

---Eight Legged Freaks---
Type: Action
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
I always love movies about human vs. nature, and in this movie nature happens to be gigantic spiders---and I mean gigantic. Expect a lot of humans getting owned, and a lot of things happening you wouldn't want to happen to you. It'll keep you entertained.
Score: 9.5/10

---Eurotrip---
Type: Comedy
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
This movie is fantastic. It's hilarious all the way through. Seriously. I can't begin to describe just how awesome this movie is. I've watched it more than once with another friend who is also addicted to the movie, and I think that says enough. Movie of the Year 2005 from me!

'Scuse, scuse!
Score: 10/10

---Evolution---
Type: Comedy-ish, Action
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
A meteor has landed on Earth and an alien life form is on it. Historic. Then the aliens start evolving at an alarming rate, and everything goes wrong. This is what happens in Evolution, a pretty good movie with Ethan Suplee (although he plays a more minor role) and a scientist who is about to face his fears. It was okay, but there was nothing truly spectacular about this movie.
Score: 7/10

---Hackers---
Type: Drama
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
An urban tale of a hacker who has moved to a new city, and quickly gains both enemies and friends. I loved this movie. It also contains some pretty cool action scenes, and it's always awesome to look at the hacker undergrounds. In other words this is an entertaining movie, and it is a drama---but it's awesome.
Score: 9/10

---Hackers 2---
Type: Drama
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
Another great addition to the series. Hackers 2 focuses on a legendary hacker who is being hunted by the FBI. You'll witness a ton of more hacking and a lot of entertaining chases. Expect a mix of everything you love, and at the climax of the movie, my heart was racing. This movie is truly legendary, just as the hacker was.
Score: 9.5/10

---Happy Gilmore---
Type: Comedy
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
Happy Gilmore is one of Adam Sandler's finest movies. This is a true comedy. Take the role of a crazy-hockey player who becomes a kick*ss golfer and changes the entire sport into something must better, and you have Happy Gilmore. If you don't like it, there's only one thing I have to say to you:
You suck, jack*ss!
Score: 9.5/10

---Snakes On A Plane---
Type: Action, Horror
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
The name blows, I know. But, the internet changed this movie, and I was one of the ones who helped change it. So naturally, along with the rest of the crowd, I cheered when Samuel said "I'm tired of there motherf*ckin' snakes on the motherf*ckin' plane!'. The movie was actually very well done, with some gruesome deaths (Snake on mah dick!). Watch the movie: it has earned my approval.
Score: 9.5/10

---South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut---
Type: Comedy
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
A classic South Park movie. This was freakin' hilarious, and in a crazy moment, you get to hear Kenny's true voice! Expect a ton of comedy and quite a few songs added into the movie. It was hilarious, in my opinion, and I have seen it more than once. It offended a lot of people---but we all just know that means it's good.
Score: 9/10

---Starship Troopers---
Type: Action
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
This movie has always been close to my heart. Who can't love combat against aliens in which humans get ripped and mauled apart while they're still shooting the alien itself? We're invading a planet who sent meteors at us in this movie. A planet full of bugs. Prepare to face gigantic armies of aliens well-animated (especially for back then) and a lot of surprises. This movie is one of a kind, and in a good way.
Score: 9.5/10

---Starship Troopers 2---
Type: Action
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
In the sequel to the great Starship Troopers, the movie focuses on one small base. No more mass-slaughter for you, m'boy! The combat is great when it happens, but it is still no match to it's predecessor. This movie was entertaining enough, and horrific if you think about it for a while---ah heck, it was great. Just not compared to the original.
Score: 8/10

---The First Twenty Million---
Type: Comedy
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
The First Twenty Million is one of those pretty good comedies that is underrated and not many people know about it. This movie is all about a group of misfits trying to earn their nerdy-glory---but don't just expect geeks---expect a physco, a hacker, a fat guy and a sane guy!

The movie is hilarious, and it contains an actor I like (Ethan Suplee) who plays Tiny, which is a joke itself. Trust me---you'll like this movie.
Score: 9/10

---The Longest Yard---
Type: Comedy
Reviewer: John Jacques
Review:
Adam Sandler stars as a star sent to prison. Then football gets involved to kickoff (no pun intended) a great comedy movie. I don't really need to explain it, Adam Sandler is in it, so it's funny! There's hilarious moments and there's bone crushing moments, what more could you want? If you haven't seen it, watch it. If you've watched it, watch it again. "He was like, oh my balls!"
Score: 9.5/10

 

 

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